


Enemies like these

by BaronVonChop



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Enemies to Friends, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, OOC, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaronVonChop/pseuds/BaronVonChop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe finds himself forming an unlikely friendship with Hux.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enemies like these

**Author's Note:**

> This ridiculous fic was inspired by [this ridiculous photoset of Oscar Isaac and Domhnall Gleeson](http://rafikecoyote.tumblr.com/post/133365881418/mb-oscar-isaac-domhnall-gleeson).

Poe Dameron lifted his head when he heard the door of his cell open. Poe recognized the ruthlessly ambitious General Hux. The general strolled into the room, his back ramrod-straight, his hands clasped behind his back. The door hissed closed behind him.

“Well, well. Poe Dameron,” Hux said, his voice clipped and precise. “When I heard that we had the Resistance’s greatest pilot on board, I had to see it for myself.”

Poe cleared his throat and stretched as much as his restraints allowed, which was not much. “Room service, finally. I was beginning to think you’d never show.”

“You have held out against our interrogators so far.” Hux’s voice and face remained neutral. “You cannot hold out forever.”

“Okay, I’ll take a breakfast sandwich, condiments on the side please, and a tall glass of juice. Do you have a fruit platter? Some sort of assortment of fruit?”

Hux’s upper lip curled. “It does not matter how strong you are. If you do not confess to the interrogators, you will wish you had. Kylo Ren can show you pain unlike anything you can imagine.”

Poe smiled, blinking sweat out of his eyes. “Okay, you’re right, let’s skip the fruit. Just the sandwich and the juice, please.”

For a moment, Hux studied Poe silently. “If you tell me where you hid the map, your death will be swift. You will die anyway, and you will get no such offer from Kylo Ren.”

“Yeah, he seems like a pretty sucky boss.” Poe managed to shrug.

“He is not my boss!” Hux snapped.

Poe raised his eyebrows.

Hux suddenly had trouble making eye contact. “We both report to Supreme Leader Snoke.”

“Does that mean Kylo Ren is a general, too?”

Hux’s voice took on a nasal, mocking tone. “No, he’s the ‘Master of the Knights of Ren.’” He snorted. “Whatever that means.”

“So he’s not part of the military hierarchy?”

“Of course not. As though someone like him could make it in the military!”

Poe leaned forward as much as he could, giving Hux his full attention. “It sounds like he’s not much for discipline.”

“I could tell you…” Hux began, before stopping himself. He turned and glanced around the room.

“You can speak freely. The recorder unit in here is broken. Some officers were talking about getting it fixed, but no techs have come by yet.”

There was something so open and honest in Poe’s expression that Hux felt inclined to believe him, though he checked the recorder unit himself before continuing. “Well. Kylo Ren. ‘Kylo Ren’ and ‘discipline’ don’t belong in the same sentence. When he’s not sullen and moody, he’s throwing temper tantrums. Do you know every base and ship he visits receives extra funding to replace the equipment he inevitably destroys? I think that tells you everything you need to know.”

Poe nodded, his eyes sympathetic. “Go on.”

“Of course, he’s strong with the Force, but that’s not really an accomplishment, is it? The way I understand it, some people are just stronger with the Force than others. It’s not like he did anything to earn it. Besides, he mostly seems to use the Force to bully his subordinates. Mind you, these subordinates are the men and women of the First Order. These are highly trained people with important tasks, whose jobs should not include being flung about by a madman in a robe and mask.”

Hux’s face was starting to turn slightly pink as continued, his voice rising. “Have you seen his robe up close? It’s in shambles! He has access to the resources in the First Order and he can’t be bothered to buy a new robe. I’ll bet he thinks it makes him look mysterious. Ha! It’s no mystery why parts of his robe are in such sad shape. You’ve seen how he flails around with that sorry-looking lightsaber? He’s constantly chopping off bits of his robe. The only time he replaces his robe is when he’s chopped it up so much that it looks like he’s wearing a ragged washcloth. And he never cleans it, so by the time he replaces it, it positively reeks.”

“And the mask?” Poe asked, transfixed by Hux’s increasing agitation.

Hux paced back and forth as he talked. “Everyone thinks that he only wears the mask to make his voice sound more impressive, but I think there’s more to it than that. I think he’s worried that something might scar his pretty, pretty face. Wearing a mask probably helps cover up the smell of his robe, so there’s that, too.” He paused for a second and regarded Poe, who waited until Hux resumed. “I don’t know where he got that mask design from, but it’s obvious what the designer was going for. Vader’s mask was iconic, but Kylo Ren’s mask?” He scoffed. “Nothing but a Nar Shaddaa knock-off.”

“Mm-hmm.” Poe nodded, encouraging Hux to continue.

“You know,” Hux said, “you’re a really good listener. People in the First Order don’t often care to listen to other people’s problems.”

Poe managed to keep his expression neutral. “You don’t say.”

“I shouldn’t complain about the First Order. It’s a good career. Good opportunities for advancement. Decent health plan. Plus you can boss people around, that’s always a plus. And speeches!” His face lit up. “There’s nothing quite like giving a speech in front of a crowd of fanatically loyal soldiers after subjugating a system. It’s not like I joined the First Order to subjugate systems,” he said quickly, “But if you’re going to be grinding a populace under the First Order’s heel, you might as well have a speech prepared to deliver to the troops afterward, right?” Hux looked at Poe to see his reaction.

Poe rocked one of his hands from side to side, indicating that he was neither here nor there on the question of crushing systems and giving speeches afterward.

Hux went on. “And at least you know what’s what in the military. It’s all clearly laid out for you: who’s above you, who’s below you, what everyone’s responsibilities are. It makes things easy for those who want to climb through the ranks. Once you understand the system, you can make it work to your advantage. Order can be a good thing. It’s more than just crisp uniforms and clean ships, though those are nice, too.”

“Well, I gotta confess,” Poe said with a charming smile, “I can’t remember the last time I pressed my uniform, and my X-wing usually has Shistavanen takeout wrappers lying around the cockpit.”

For several long moments, Hux did not say anything, and Poe began to worry that he had lost whatever rapport he had created with the officer.

Then Hux started to smile, his lips tight, as he tried to suppress it. “It’s a good thing you’re in the Resistance, then. I don’t think you’d make it in the First Order!”

“Guess that means I have to stick with my day job,” Poe grunted. At that, Hux finally lost control and broke into laughter. Poe was taken aback: the man he saw before him, throwing his head back and laughing, seemed entirely different from the intense general Poe knew.

“Wow,” Hux chuckled. He leaned an elbow on the restraint apparatus and gesticulated with his other hand. “I haven’t laughed like that in… I don’t know! You never know who’s listening. And with Supreme Leader Snoke, you even have to be careful with what you think when you’re around him.”

“Must be strange, having such a strict military hierarchy, but with someone like Snoke in charge.”

“Snoke!” Hux snorted. “Don’t even get me started on Supreme Leader Snoke!”

Poe leaned in, his eyes wide and his lips slightly open, eager for what would come next. Hux continued, “Our exalted Supreme Leader Snoke--”

The door opened and Hux stopped talking so quickly that Poe heard his teeth click together. Instantly Hux stood up straight, his eyes fastened on the doorway. Two technicians walked in and saluted when they saw General Hux in the room.

One of them raised her toolbox. “We were told to repair the recorder unit?”

“Well, get to it,” Hux snapped, and he strode out of the room.

* * *

It wasn’t until weeks later that Poe Dameron saw General Hux again, though not in circumstances he expected. After the destruction of the Starkiller Base, the First Order forces fell back in retreat, with Resistance forces taking every opportunity to strike isolated parts of the First Order fleet in order to prevent them from regrouping.

One afternoon, Poe climbed from the cockpit of his X-Wing, tired from the mission but proud of a job well done. BB-8 lowered down from her position behind the cockpit and rolled over to Poe, beeping with joy at having made it home safely. Poe knelt down and spoke with his droid, complimenting her on some particularly skillful in-flight repairs she had made.

When Poe stood, he saw a familiar figure approaching. Kaydel Ko Connix, a communications officer, came up to him, relief visible on her face. “Commander Dameron! I’ve been waiting for you to get back.”

Poe patted BB-8 and stood, taking a few steps toward Kaydel Ko. “Is something wrong?”

“Not… really,” Kaydel Ko said, choosing her words carefully. “Your mission has kept you away from the base for several days, and in that time, there has been a development.” Seeing that Poe was still concerned, she added, “We have captured General Hux of the First Order.”

“Oh!” said Poe. “Well, that’s good!” He thought for a few moments. “Unless he’s a security risk? Or he’s revealed a new First Order threat?”

“Those are concerns,” Kaydel Ko said, “but they’re not what I wanted to talk to you about. Truth be told… he’s getting on everyone’s nerves. And he keeps asking where you are. Apparently, he thinks you’re friends?”

It took Poe a few moments to get over his surprise. BB-8 beeped a question, and Poe let out a long breath. “I’d better go see what he’s doing.” Kaydel Ko pointed Poe toward the building where the Resistance was keeping Hux.

When Poe arrived, he found a guard sitting at a table in front of Hux’s cell. The guard was watching a holodrama, while Hux stood on the other side of a forcefield, watching over the guard’s shoulder. Hux’s hair and beard had grown out, and it took Poe a moment to recognize him, since Poe had only ever seen Hux with his regulation First Order haircut. The beard and longer hair made Hux look more normal somehow, like the sort of person Poe might pass on the street.

Two characters in the drama were arguing. The guard sat slouched forward. She was clearly trying to tune Hux out while watching the show. Hux, meanwhile, alternated between talking to the guard and talking to the characters.

“Don’t leave, she loves you, you idiot! So Mik is Karia’s roommate’s ex-boyfriend, right? She doesn’t mean it! Or, wait, is he Karia’s roommate’s ex-boyfriend’s clone? I can’t believe she let him just walk away!” He sniffed, then wiped his nose on his sleeve.

Poe raised his eyebrows at the guard. “Watching holodramas while on guard duty?”

The guard stood up quickly. “Sorry sir,” she said. “But if I try to switch it off, he complains until I turn it back on.”

Hux’s face lit up. “Poe! You finally came! I’ve been asking about when you’ll return.”

The guard rolled her eyes. “Yes, at least once an hour.”

Poe gestured at Hux. “Is he any danger?”

The guard scoffed. “I can hardly believe it, but it seems like the biggest danger the infamous General Hux poses now is in giving me spoilers to episodes I haven’t seen yet when he watches them with the morning shift. Would you mind keeping an eye on him? I think I’ll finish these in the rec hall.”

“Go ahead,” said Poe.

“No, wait!” cried Hux. “Don’t leave! The episode isn’t over--at least leave the--oh, great. Now how am I supposed to learn the identity of the mysterious swoop jockey?” He threw up his hands and walked away from the force field. After standing with his back to Poe for a moment, he turned around, his face splitting into a grin. “I still can’t get over how many of these shows there are! How does anyone manage to keep up with all of them?”

Poe still couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. “You must have known about holodramas during your time with the First Order.”

“Well, of course, I had heard of them, but watching them was discouraged. And, as a good and loyal soldier, I avoided anything that was discouraged. It was as simple as that.” He took several steps toward the force field, his whole face aglow with enthusiasm. “But now that I don’t have to worry about any of that any more, there’s a whole galaxy of things I’d like to try!”

Poe crossed his arms. “Are you saying you’re not a loyal soldier of the First Order anymore?”

“Well, you’ve got me now, right? I’m your prisoner? They’re not watching over my shoulder any more. No more performance evaluations, no more official record.” He got serious for a moment. “Of course, if they catch me, they’ll kill me to make sure I don’t fall into your hands again.” His grin returned. “But that’s kind of a good thing too, because it means I don’t have any temptation to return to them.”

“You don’t mind being in custody?

“Compared to life in the First Order, it’s great! The only thing missing was someone to talk to, and now that you’re here, that’s not longer a problem!”

“You seem pretty certain that I’ll be your friend.” Poe tried to sound aloof, but he could feel himself starting to smile.

Hux seemed taken aback. “I had thought we shared a rapport that other time we met.” He sounded almost accusatory.

Poe chuckled. “Well, you had me at your mercy.”

Hux’s reply was cheerful. “And now the situation is reversed, and I’m at your mercy.” Then, to Poe’s surprise, Hux blushed, his whole face flushing pink. To cover his embarrassment, Hux clapped his hands together and went on. “So what should we do? Do you have a holo-entertainment unit? We could watch the rest of that episode. Or, we could play some games, or sing some songs…”

“Sing songs?” Poe asked, surprised.

“There are programs that show you the words to a song and play the music while you sing!”

“Yes, I’m familiar with the concept,” Poe said.

“With the First Order, we were only allowed to listen to pre-approved songs, which ranged from subtle propaganda to obvious propaganda. But there are so many more themes for songs than merely bringing order to the galaxy! Like romantic feelings, spending time with friends, dancing while inebriated, and lavish lifestyles! So, what sounds fun to you? Anything you want to do, I’m game.”

“I don’t think they’re just going to let you walk around the base with me.”

Hux smacked himself in the forehead. “Of course! I forgot. Here, one moment.” He rummaged behind his bunk and returned with a white, electronic collar, which he put around his neck. It locked with a click. “There’s a remote bomb in this collar. You should be able to find a trigger device for it on the guard’s station.”

Poe found it easily: a small tube of black metal. At one end, a button was covered by a hinged cap. Poe picked it up and put it in his pocket. “You’re surprisingly okay with this.”

Hux shrugged and shook his head. “I worked with Kylo Ren for years. Attaching a bomb to my neck is almost safe compared to being around him all the time.”

“Fair point,” Poe conceded. He found a panel on the wall outside the cell and deactivated the force field.

Hux stepped outside and bounced on his toes a bit, as though debating what to do next. He settled on clapping Poe on the shoulder. “So, what’ll it be?”

“I haven’t eaten yet since I got back. What say you we hit the canteen?”

“Sounds great!”

They got some odd looks from the pilots, soldiers, and crew gathered in the canteen, but nobody said anything. Poe took Hux to the buffet line, where they grabbed trays and started picking things out.

Poe noticed Hux wasn’t taking much. “Not hungry?” he asked.

“Just wait,” said Hux, glancing down toward the end of the line. “It looks like they’ve saved the best stuff for last!”

“That’s the dessert!”

“Do you think the First Order served dessert? The way I see it, I’ve got decades of dessert to catch up on!”

“Well, you don’t have to do it all in one day!” Poe laughed. He was able to persuade Hux to take a plate of tucco noodles and crushed waldun, but Hux nevertheless took three slices of choclik cake and two bowls of jellied vroofruit.

Hux stuff himself while Poe thought about what to do next. He tapped Hux on the shoulder as something occurred to him.

“Hm?” Hux asked, Turning with Poe with his mouth full of cake.

“Could I borrow your uniform? I’ll give it back tomorrow morning.”

Hux swallowed hard and started coughing. His face turned scarlet as he coughed while blushing. “What?” Hux asked when he’d caught his breath.

“I have an idea…”

* * *

The sun had not yet risen when a shout brought Finn instantly awake.

“On your feet, soldier!”

Finn fell off his cot, got his feet tangled in the sheets, and finally managed to wrench himself upright. He snapped a salute before his brain had a chance to register what was going on.

Then Finn realized who was standing in front of him, and his jaw dropped. Even in the dim light of the pre-dawn barracks, he saw that Poe Dameron was wearing a First Order uniform. Finn opened his mouth to speak, but his groggy and bewildered mind could not find any words.

For just a moment, a mischievous light gleamed in Poe’s eye before he snapped, “What are you staring at? Eyes front!”

Finn closed his mouth and faced forward. “I… Poe, what’s… your uniform…”

Poe crossed his arms and sighed. “Don’t tell me. You had that dream again? The one where we’re all in the Resistance?”

“Yes… sir?” Finn managed.

Someone burst out laughing nearby, and Finn looked over to see General Hux covering his eyes with one hand while guffawing. Poe looked over and cracked a smile, then he started laughing, too.

Finn’s eyes widened when he realized what had happened. “This was a practical joke?” Now that he took a closer look, he saw how Hux’s uniform did not fit Poe very well, a fact he had previously  missed in the dim light.

“Sorry, buddy,” Poe said, clapping him on the shoulder. “I couldn’t resist.”

When Hux’s hilarity had died down, he gasped, “You should have seen your face!”

Finn thought about it for a moment, then smiled. “You know, nobody has ever played a practical joke on me before. I guess this was a pretty good one to start with.” He pointed a warning finger at Poe, then at Hux. “But don’t do this too often.”

“I won’t, don’t worry,” Poe said with good humor.

Hux wiped his eyes. “I promise nothing.”

“Well… all right,” said Finn. “Okay, who are we pranking next?”


End file.
